I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
