Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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