I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
