you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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