weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
