You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
