I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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