Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Your cock deserves a montage
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
