I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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