Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
