My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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