can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
