Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
