OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
