Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
