At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
