Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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