i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
