Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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