Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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