I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
