she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
zippers are such a cool invention
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize