All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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