Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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