Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
