my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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