Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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