I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
