Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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