this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
