I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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