a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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