My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
