I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
