So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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