writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
