Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
