im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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