remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you will always have a special place in my vag
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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