My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
