I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
