it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
