just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
