please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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