Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just high enough for therapy.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
