So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
