please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
