the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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