in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
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You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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