Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
