apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
