I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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