Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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