why didn't you poke me back
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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