Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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