I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
