She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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