I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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