I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
