Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
