Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
