He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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