Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize