That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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