I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
