I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
