I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
