i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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