The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
